Gratitude

As a health care professional I have long been fascinated by the placebo effect.  I recall hearing some time ago that another phrase for placebo is remembered wellness. I think that I might have heard this on one of the People’s Pharmacy Program with Joe and Terry Graedon.  My understanding is that if some part of our brain thinks something is going to help it remembers a time when we were well and begins to send well signals to the rest of the body which in turn functions differently which in turn….

Gratitude can function very similarly to a placebo.  Those who suggest that making a daily gratitude list – even it one puts only three simple things on it   - can make a huge difference in how one feels emotionally, spiritually and physically speak an essential truth.

I want to be perfectly clear here.  Taking a placebo or making a gratitude list will not cure clinical depression  (that very deep depression which is caused by a chemical imbalance although some activities, such as aerobic exercise, will increase chemical production of the neurotransmitter Serotonin).    It also will not take away physical pain unless that pain is caused solely by tension. If one has a medical condition or injury, which is acutely painful, making a gratitude list will not eliminate that pain. It will, however, often decrease the increase of the pain and/or allow the grateful feelings to be in the forefront and the physical pain to be in the background. 

One of the things, which happen with any sort of depression or other negative energy, force from within or without is that the brain sees only the negatives. It also experiences time as stopping in the sense that not only is life negative at the moment, it has always been negative and always will be negative. Thus, not only the ability to see colors, but the ability to think in terms of time, i.e. today is sort of crappy but yesterday was good and I am looking forward to, is impaired or just not there. 

When we are feeling good most of us know that life is not all negative, that we all have an occasional bad day, and that no matter what we have much for which to be grateful. When we are feeling depressed or, for whatever reasons, are used to feeling negative nothing seems to make a difference.  This morning I heard a person who son had been recently been killed say that the outpouring of love and support has been wonderful.  That person was able to focus on and experience the positives as well as the acute grief of losing a child.   It was, as Dickens famously said, the worst of times and the best of times. (A Tale of Two Cities).  Wakes or other funeral gatherings are meant to celebrate and give thanks for the life of the deceased person without denying the grief.  Some people cannot experience them as such because they are so focused on their loss.

All of us have been around that person who is chronically negative because of clinical depression - the messages of which they feed and feed and feed and.  -  or because of they have the habit of believing that the only reason people will pay attention to them is that they feel sorry for themselves. They take a real issues such as their colostomy bag keeps breaking, they have lost a child, and they talk as if their entire life is comprised of this sad or difficult situation.  There is no attempt or ability to balance this negative with anything positive.  They are not grateful that you just fixed them a delicious meal and drove 30 miles to drop it off to them.  They will say, “Well, I won’t be able to heat it up.” “I will eat, the bag will break and the meal will just turn to shit.  You might as well as fixed me shit.” The entire conversation will have this flavor.  One will feel oneself getting suck into the depression like a blanket dropping from the ceiling, covering and suffocating one.  One might find oneself trying to protect oneself with anger just to avoid the depression.  One might be tempted to say, “Just shut up you ungrateful person.”   One, of course, tries not to say anything unkind. One knows that the person really does feel bad and they have no concept of the fact that they are continually fertilizing their negativity.

If I am working for/with such a person I might explain what is happening and suggest that they:

·      Switch to manual in their brain – quit waiting for the positives to jump out of their brain.

·      Find the dam flowers meaning find one thing of beauty, one thing for which one is grateful, or one positive.

·      Continue to look for positives.

·      Ask a family member or friend to help you remember positives,

·      If possible write down one’s gratitude list.

·      Keep it simple. I am thankful for this cup of coffee. I am thankful for this meal.

·      Do not feed the depression.  Do not say, “Yes. The world sucks today, has always sucks and is always going to suck.”  That may be how it feels but it is a lie.

·      Get busy even if the only thing on can do is to make a phone call and wish someone else a nice day or do some knitting or if mobile create a gift.

·      Read or listen to something positive.

My good friend Dr. Becky Johnen, author of the book Facing the Sunshine and Avoiding the Shadows, practices what she writes about in her book and in her weekly blog.   Although there are times when she just needs to rest she will almost always find something positive to do for someone else.  She will make a gratitude list or just email me or someone else about what this is grateful for.   This does not mean that she never has stress or acute discomfort.  She does not feed her discomfort.   She also does her best to take care of herself physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually.   This allows her brain to switch to manual when it is not automatically focusing on positives or is tempted to feed the negative thoughts or feelings.

If you read her book or her blog one will find many other suggestions for balancing out and not focusing on the negatives.  She extols the benefits of laughter for example.  

One will know that Dr. Johnen is not just an academic talking about a theoretical approach to life. She is a woman who has known acute loss, hardship and physical pain.  She is truly one who not only talks the talk but also walks the walk.